


S-Rank Criminal Children

by Sulluspark



Category: Naruto
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Comedy, Crack, Gen, Humor, Minor Violence, ignore the inconsistencies with Pein and Nagato, it's not too bad I think, strong language courtesy of Hidan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-02-28 09:58:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13269057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sulluspark/pseuds/Sulluspark
Summary: the akatsuki turn into children and an unfortunate female has to take care of them.





	1. how it all started

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Babysitting (Vongola Decimo's style)](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/348825) by halcyonhanhuer. 



> this fic spawned because I couldn't get the thought of small, but deadly children beating up and intimidating grown men. so here you go.

Let it never be said that Kasumi didn’t have the patience of a goddamn saint. She’s been standing in the same exact spot for hours now- she can’t really tell, but the sun’s definitely gone down since she first arrived- waiting for her targets who were to rendezvous only a few feet away. Except clearly she’d been told wrong, as the time of the meeting has already overlapped by a large amount. She sighed, going into a crouch and wincing as her legs protest. Just as she was about to propel herself forward and get back to base, there was a rustling in the bushes next to her and she quickly stills.

“I’m here! I’m here.” A chunin bursts from the trees. Kasumi guesses he’s from Konohagakure, judging by his headband.

“Took you long enough. Do you have it?” A cloaked figure leaps into the clearing. Kasumi’s eyes widen, had he been there the whole time?

“Yes,” the chunin reaches into his back right pocket and fishes out a scroll, “Right here.”

The figure holds out his hand and the scroll is dropped into it. No words are exchanged between the two as the scroll is wrapped tightly in the cloaked figure’s hand. They both nod at each other before the one with the scroll leaps back the way he appeared, leaving the konoha ninja to stare at the space he’d occupied with a frown. Kasumi doesn’t move, opting to stay just in case anything else were to happen, but the remaining man simply sighs and starts to leave through the trees.

The black-haired girl waits for a few minutes, listening to the sounds of his footsteps as they dim. Only when they disappear completely does the girl lift herself from her crouch. She sighs, lifting her hand to her chest where her heart is rapidly beating. She is reminded of the fact that she nearly got caught and that she is more professional than that, but at least the information she’d been given hadn’t been wrong. Taking another look around, she leaps to a branch, then to another, going from branch to branch at breakneck speed, taking care to make her steps light so as to make sure she doesn’t attract too much attention.

That would be horrendous. Not only would it mean that she’s getting rather careless, but also because the Akatsuki didn’t exactly try to hide their reputation of ‘highly skilled killers’. Should she lead a ninja to their location, they would die, and she would swiftly follow them. Best not to think about it. In fact, she should probably be thinking about that strange scroll involved in the transfer she’d witnessed. It looked to be like any other scroll, but the kanji on it had definitely piqued her interest. The kanji of Rebirth had been clearly imprinted on what would be considered the scroll’s front.

It gave her a really bad feeling. And she continued to contemplate the thought of what Rebirth could possibly entail as she made her way back to the hidden base of the Akatsuki, her body and mind familiar with the route.

As she approached the base, she shuddered. Her mind was warning her, like the times a ninja was about to attack her or that she’d been spotted. Like something bad was going to happen.

The base, of course, was as silent as ever. There were no guards standing watch- as if the Akatsuki needed them, that thought was laughable- and there was nothing that indicated the area to be inhabited by people at all.

Kasumi bit her lip, “I don’t like this,” she says to no one as she takes another glance around. She takes a breath and steels herself before quickly entering the compound.

* * *

It’s silent inside, as well. Now, normally that would be normal, since it’s quiet outside, right? However, that is not the case with the Akatsuki. The organization had Hidan and Deidara within its ranks, rarely were they quiet. Kisame, though not as loud as the other two, was always one to look for conversation, the friendly guy he was. Not to mention the constant arguments, though still incited by mainly Deidara and Hidan, that involved their partners, Sasori and Kakuzu, though the more mature and quiet half of the partnership, possessed short and violent tempers that would result in the escalating of voices once they were provoked by their partners.

So no, the inside of the base being this quiet usually never happened. Not unless said partners were all sent out on missions at the same time. Which, yes, did happen on occasion.

“Hello?” Kasumi made her way through the (actually) quite large base, unnerved when her voice echoes off the walls. Predictably, there’s no response. She frowns, would she have to search the entire base? Just because she was hired as their spy didn’t mean they had to make it hard for her!

“Kasumi-chan!” Tobi pops out of literally nowhere using that trick of his. The aforementioned girl shrieks.

“Tobi! Can you seriously stop doing that?” The girl crossed her arms, exasperated and trying to catch her breath.

“I thought you could handle it. I didn’t hire an incompetent spy who isn’t even in touch with her surroundings, did I?” And just like a switch being flipped, Tobi’s voice turns deep and serious, a total contrast to the bubbly persona he’d been using not a minute before.

Kasumi grits her teeth and says nothing in reply.

“Anyway,” The one eye she could see narrowed, “A problem occurred while you were gone."

The girl frowns, "Explain.”

“While you were gone, we were in the process of sealing a beast, but,” his hand twitched in irritation, “There was a complication. As you know, sealing is a process and it requires the performers to be as concentrated and involved in the task as they can. Because of this, we couldn’t react when a man came in with this scroll."

"So why are you here?” Kasumi asked.

“You really think I’d be so unprofessional as to let myself get caught?"

"Sasori, Kakuzu, Kisame, Pein, Itachi, Konan-"

"Okay, I get it.” Tobi interjected.

“-are all professional, and you’re telling me they got caught in it, but you, by some miracle, didn’t?”

“It was not a miracle. I was able to use my technique to take myself out of the situation,” Tobi snarled, patience wearing thin.

“Okay, okay,” The girl holds up her hands placatingly. “So what happened to the others, then?"

"I would tell you, but I feel that it’s better if you come and see for yourself,” Tobi grimaced as he started walking. “Well? Aren’t you coming?” He briefly turned around to address the girl when he noticed she wasn’t following, which stirred her out of her panicked thoughts.

“Yeah…yeah.” Kasumi agreed reluctantly and followed after the criminal, albeit with a couple feet in between them.

The walk to the room where apparently all the other members are is silent. Tobi is silently fuming at the interruption and the fact he had not sensed the intruder, while the black-haired girl was horrified at what she was going to see. After a long moment of this, they come upon a door and the masked man turns around to address his companion.

“Now, before we go in, promise me you won’t freak out."

"Ok, first, why do you think I’m going to freak out-”

“I know how you women can be.”

Kasumi ignored him, “And, second, you’re really not helping me stay calm by telling me this right now.”

Tobi shrugged, “Well, are you ready?”

She sighed, “I guess.”

* * *

Her first thought when she sees them is that, for s-rank criminals, they were so fucking cute. And then her minds starts to focus on the ’s-rank criminal’ part of that sentence and all those thoughts go down the drain. Because there were children scattered around the room, dead asleep, and they looked remarkably like the members of a certain organization.

“What the fuck is this?” Kasumi whispered, eyes wide as she looked around the room.

“Exactly what it looks like,” Tobi answered as he carelessly makes his way to the center of the room, nearly stepping on some of the kids.

“Hey! Be careful!” The black-haired girl reprimands as she follows him, though much more careful than the man, who was simply staring at the children with a dark countenance as he waited for her to reach him. She frowned.

When she finally caught up, he turned to her and spoke in a serious tone that forbid any argument, “You’re to take care of them until I find a way to reverse it.”

It’s so silent that, if there were crickets, you’d be able to hear them chirping. Kasumi stops breathing for a second and turns as white as a sheet. Tobi raises an eyebrow at her, while she glares at him and tries to get her breath back at the same time.

“You’ve got to be joking with me,” She hissed, “I don’t have a speck of motherly instinct in me!”

“You don’t have a choice,” He answered, sharingan taking form in his one visible eye. The girl knew he was being serious and that she really didn’t, but damn, did she hate it.

“Tch. Fine.” She spat and she knew the bastard was smirking under that mask.

“Good, then I’ll leave you to it,” He starts to make himself disappear. “Bye-bye Kasumi-chan!” He waved enthusiastically to the irate girl, switching back to that obnoxiously cheerful persona of his. Meanwhile, she was anything but that right now. She sighed, what an asshole. They pay her to spy and report anything suspicious, not to babysit possibly disturbed children, for god’s sake!

“I hate this,” Kasumi huffed, getting more annoyed just thinking about what happened. She sits quietly for a while, lost in thought.

It’s not until she hears the children start to stir, beginning with a blonde one- little Deidara is actually kind of cute- that it really hits her, and just what, exactly, had Tobi roped her into doing?!

* * *

Kasumi is panicking right now. She was not ready for this! She thought she’d have more time before they would wake up! Damn it, Tobi!

As the girl is lost in her panic, noise fills the room as the children- all ten of them, Kasumi counts quickly and nearly faints- start to surface from their sleep-induced haze and realize their new environment. There is immediate chaos and she is nearly beheaded from the get-go by a very familiar scythe, though it’s smaller than what she’s used to. Not that’s she’s on the receiving end of Hidan’s scythe often- but nevermind that! Luckily for her, being quick on her feet and having good reflexes is in her job description, so she’s able to duck right in time. Above her the wall cracks from the force of the scythe now embedded into it. Yikes.

“Who the fuck are you and where the fuck am I!?” The silver-haired brat shouts in a volume that is entirely not necessary in this situation. And if the others weren’t awake already, they were most definitely awake now. A cacophany of voices soon follow his outburst.

“What is this place, un?”

“I don’t remember this place.”

“Are we lost, miss?”

“Can you please take me home?"

”…“

Kasumi almost rips her hair out by the end of it, but she manages to keep her cool and is now really glad for the more quiet members of the group. They’re cute children, but all at once like this is apparently already too much for her to handle.

"Okay, okay, everyone… let’s not freak out.”

One of the redheads stare at her like she’s grown a second head. “You are freaking out,” he points out. Kasumi’s eye twitches.

“HEY! You didn’t answer my question!” The scythe-wielding boy interjected, unconsciously pushing the short redhead in his effort to grab the lone adult’s attention. He is completely oblivious to the irritated glance he receives from said redhead.

“Shut up, sit the fuck down, and for fuck’s sake, put it down!” The girl scolds, causing the kids to either gape at her or stare at her completely unaffected.

After a moment, “You’ve got spunk, lady! I like you!” He swings his scythe around haphazardly. She doesn’t know what that’s supposed to mean, but she’ll go along with it for right now. It’s not like she has a choice, anyway. He’s already shown himself to be quite volatile- who knows what he’d do if she told him to fuck off. She sighed and suddenly remembers a thought she had from before. Disturbed children, indeed.

“I’m Hidan! I’m eight years old!” The boy finally introduces himself, though Kasumi had already guessed it was him. She smiles anyway, there was no harm in humoring him, especially when she doesn’t know how long this will last and he doesn’t have memories of her because of his age.

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Kasumi,” she introduces herself back, “Why don’t everyone introduce themselves?” She asks, glancing specifically toward the kids who have isolated themselves and were standing farther away from the little half-circle the friendlier kids had unknowingly made. The two-faced boy stood where he was for a moment and seemingly had a conversation with himself, but nonetheless joined the group. The other two boys, both with black hair, looked as if they needed a little more convincing. Kasumi smiled gently at them and beckoned them forward, which they did with reluctance. They were both 'technically’ in the half-circle, but were obviously still trying to keep their distance from the other kids.

With all the kids now gathered, the girl clapped her hands, “Okay, now that we’re all here, how about we start with you?” She asks as her eyes settle on the little blonde-haired boy with long hair. What she would give to have hair as smooth as that.

He grins, “I’m Deidara! I’m seven!"

Kasumi nods and moves her gaze to the sassy redhead sat beside him.

"Sasori."

”…“

”…“

Seeing as he wasn’t going to respond, the girl pushed a little, "And you are…?”

He sighs as if being put upon, “Also eight.”

“Thank you, Sasori,” the girl says, eye twitching in irritation, you sassy brat, she doesn’t say. She moves her eyes to the next boy in line.

“Oh, me next?” He smiles kindly, “I’m Nagato. I’m nine years old.”

Kasumi nods, appreciative of his cooperation and she can’t help it, “See that, Sasori?"

"Hmph."

Then, they move onto the next kid, a beautiful blue-haired girl with a flower in her hair. It was subtle, but Kasumi’s trained eye can see that she’s sitting pretty close to Nagato and they keep glancing at each other when they think no one’s looking. "I’m Konan, and I’m also eight."

Kasumi’s gaze then meets purple-ringed ones. The boy simply stares at her, unblinking.

"His name is Pein. He’s the same age as me,” Nagato interjected before the silence could stretch longer. She opens her mouth to ask why the boy couldn’t introduce himself, but the redhead simply shook his head. Okay. Weird.

Next up is the boy with features reminiscent of a shark’s. “Hello! I’m Kisame, and I’m ten years old! It’s nice to meet you, miss.” He grinned as he introduced himself.

Kasumi nodded, “It’s nice to meet you too, Kisame.” A smile slips its way into her features before her eyes travel to the kids in the outskirts of the group. Thankfully, the black-haired boy whose hair went past even his shoulders spoke, so she didn’t have to incite them to.

“My name is Itachi. I’m nine as well.” Succinct and straightforward. The boy had a certain maturity to him, his eye-bags even at the age of nine making him see beyond his years. Maybe he was, and it unnerves her a little. What had this boy gone through to act like that at his age? Before she can contemplate the thought, the other boy is talking.

“Kakuzu. Ten.” Geez, you’d think he was competing with Sasori for least amount of words used. Kasumi nods anyway. That leaves the two-faced boy, who is, again, seemingly talking to himself. The moment he- or they, more like- realize everyone is staring at them waiting for them to speak, their conversation comes to an abrupt halt.

“ **We’re** Zetsu.” They replied, “But you can call me White Zetsu, **and I’m Black Zetsu** , if you want to distinguish between us. We’re… ten, we guess?” Kasumi doesn’t know why that sounded like a question, but she also doesn’t want to ask. It’s probably better not to. She clears her throat.

“Alright! So now that we all know each other, let’s all get along and not make it hard for Miss Kasumi, okay? She’s going to be taking care of you,” for an undisclosed amount of time, she thinks.

“That’s nice and all, but where exactly are we?” Oh now he talks. Her eye twitches again.

“Well, because you’re so inclined to know, little brat, you’re at my house.” Which they weren’t really, but revealing their position to be in an underground base hidden away from society because their future selves are wanted criminals probably wouldn’t be received too well.

“Ah.” His tone is bored, sarcastic, and sounds completely uncaring. Kasumi clenches her fist and tries to calm herself down. If this is how the rest of the week is going to go, she might have to call Tobi and tell him he’s down one. If that one is Sasori or herself, she doesn’t know.

She opens her eyes when someone puts a hand over her fist, startled, though careful not to move in order to not scare the child. It’s Itachi, because of course he noticed. She offers him a smile before nodding that he can let go. He tilts his head at her as if to ask if she was really, and she nods again. He lets go and not even a minute later, she is tackled by a blur of yellow.

“I’m hungry,” Deidara pouts before she can tell him off.

Tobi better hurry up.


	2. the kids just can't get along

“Yeah, me too!” Hidan seconded.

“Now that I think about it, so am I,” Kisame mumbled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Kasumi sighed, but uncrossed her legs and proceeded to get up. She was yet again reminded that she was a babysitter now and that these weren’t normal kids she was dealing with, no matter how much they seem like it. They’re demon spawns- well, with the few exceptions. Itachi, Nagato, and Konan were sweethearts, meanwhile, on the other end of the spectrum, there were Hidan, Deidara, and Sasori.

“Let’s go to the kitchen, then. I’ll whip something up real quick,” she says as she starts to walk, “What do you guys want?” She asks, though she may as well have been talking to the air for she received no response. Sensing that the girl was leaving, the children quickly moved to follow her. Zetsu, Sasori, and Kakuzu trailed after her, keeping their distance from both each other and the other kids, but careful not to fall too far behind. Konan, Nagato, and Pein were all huddled together as they walked, with the first two engaged deep in conversation and the latter making sure all three were keeping pace with Kasumi’s long adult legs. Deidara had latched onto her shirt from her right side and was keeping pace with her that way, while Kisame held her left hand. Itachi quietly hovered near Kisame, which just leaves Hidan, who was in the front, swinging his scythe around carelessly and loudly talking about something or other. Nevermind that he had utterly no clue where he was going and kept glancing back to Kasumi for cues on what direction to turn.

“Your place is really big, Mimi-chan, un!” Deidara exclaimed, eyes filled with wonder as he tried to take everything in. She chuckled at the nickname and his antics, hurriedly stopping the thought of ‘it’s not mine’ before it escaped.

“Yeah, I, uh… get that a lot?” Curse her for making it sound like a question.

“ **You don’t seem very confident** ,” Black Zetsu raised an eyebrow.

“No, no. It’s definitely mine… ha… ha…” The girl trailed off and Itachi frowned. He was always a perceptive one, it was one of the reasons he was considered skilled and talented at his age. Luckily for her, the others were either not as perceptive (Deidara, Hidan), were invested in something else (Kakuzu, Pein, Nagato, Konan), or simply didn’t care (Sasori, Zetsu, Kisame), which allowed the girl to get away with not being questioned.

Finally, after a long trek- to Sasori’s chagrin- of constant chatter thanks to Hidan, the group had made it into the kitchen. It clearly didn’t see much use, if the cobwebs in the corners and dust were anything to go by. Fortunately, the fridge and cabinets had actual items she could use to make a quick meal for ten kids- geez, she’s never getting over that- but first, she’d have to clean the place up. If they got sick, she’d never hear the end of it.

She did the hand signs easily, her mind already accustomed to them. Breathing in deeply, she gathered air. Then she blew it all out, the wind filling the room and clearing it off the cobwebs and dust. Behind her, the children were awed.

“Woah, that was awesome! Do it again, lady!”

“I’m not a damn circus show,” She retorted, ushering them inside and into seats, “Now, be good and stay here while I make some food.” An order, which of course, wasn’t followed, because this is the Akatsuki we’re talking about.

The black-haired girl gathered all the ingredients she could possibly find and put them on the counter top.

Her eyes went first to the ramen noodles and she brightened. Surely making ramen wouldn’t be too hard, right? Even for a non-cook like herself? Turning around, she noticed many of the kids starting to get antsy and moving around. Ramen, it is, then.

She begins to slice and fry the chicken, concentrating hard on her work so she doesn’t mess up. Because of this, she forgets to pay attention to the miniatures and some begin to move around- probably just for the purpose of not following directions.

When Kasumi returns (triumphantly with her ten bowls of ramen) to the dining room, it looks like it exploded. Which, with the blonde bomber being in it and left alone without supervision, was entirely possible. Even as a kid- actually scratch that, because he was a kid- he was even more of a nightmare. There were kunai everywhere, stuck on the walls and on the ceiling, and really where did they even get that? Thankfully, not all of them were up and about; some actually listened to her and stayed at the table.

Kasumi found the source of the kunai to be Kakuzu (which, surprising, considering he hadn’t done anything noteworthy the entire evening), who’d gotten fed up with Hidan’s non-stop talking. The silver-haired kid, of course, took this as a challenge and began swinging at the older boy with his scythe. Deidara, excitable by nature, had wanted to join in and used his signature bombs. How did she miss all this?

The children still at the table weren’t any better. Sasori was still sat at the table, but looked to be at his last shred of patience. Kisame was watching the fight and cheering on the combatants, his mini-Samehada at the side of his chair.

Wait, nevermind that. He just joined in. Great. As if she had any sanity left to lose.

Nagato and Konan, for their part, were watching in wonder at the fight. They were being good kids, but definitely very unhelpful. Then there was Itachi, who was sitting perfectly straight in his chair and frowning at his (very) loud companions. Pein just looked on with his eyes that never seemed to blink- seriously, how was that even possible- and Zetsu was, again, talking to himself and ignoring everything happening around him.

Kasumi sighed, before raising her voice to catch all their attention, “OI!

“Get in your seats or you don’t get any!” Hidan startled and, after seeing her, all the kids who had been out of their seats quickly returned to them. The girl made quick work of passing out the food and pretty soon, it was quiet in the kitchen as they started to eat.

“It’s hot as fuck, lady!” Hidan complained loudly.

“Yeah!” Deidara raises his hand, “I want another!”

Ungrateful brats.

“It tastes fine,” Itachi mumbled, eating like the good child he was.

“You’re overreacting,” Kakuzu countered.

Then there were the angels to their demons.

“Am not! It burnt my tongue!” Hidan stuck his tongue out, “See?!”

Kasumi sighed. It’s become her thing lately.

* * *

The girl is frustrated and all she really wants to do is sleep right now. After Hidan’s outburst, he and Kakuzu got into another fight, which sparked a war in the dining room. There was soup on the walls and the floor now too, and dear lord, how would she explain this to Tobi? As she contemplates that thought, she shoves them all out of the room while she hurriedly cleans it. If cleaning meant shoving everything in the corner of the room to be forgotten about, like how someone would shove all their things in their closet right before their mom walks in the room.

Luckily, all the children are still there by the time she deemed the room clean enough and left. It didn’t mean they were quiet, however.

“Shut the fuck up.”

"Fight me, asshole!"

“Fight, fight, fight!” Deidara and Kisame started to chant. Kasumi facepalmed.

“No. No more fighting.” She needs sleep and she needs it now. “I’m tired, and we’re all going to go to bed now, okay?” She doesn’t give them time to respond before she’s saying, “Okay. Now let’s go.”

“What? But we were just sleeping!” A certain silver-haired brat points out.

“Well, too bad.”

“I’m not very tired either, miss.” The first time Nagato’s spoken since the introductions earlier. Konan nods along with him, while Pein blinks for the first time. The black-haired girl rubs her temples.

“I know you might not be tired, but it’s really late and I am. Just try for me?” She asks and doesn’t receive any argument, so she guesses that they’ll go along with it. That doesn’t mean they’re happy about it, though. Some are visibly disappointed that the fun has to end. She makes her way to one of the many bedrooms, which are actually quite spacious, and the kids trail after her again, surprisingly quiet. Kasumi doesn’t think it’s because their antics have caught up to them. They’re probably planning something that she’ll have to deal with later.

Just as she opens the door, the girl realizes they’re all still behind her. She turns to them, raising an eyebrow. They all stare at her back. “What…? You all want to come with me?” Some nodded, some shrugged, and some just pushed their way into the room because the door was already half-open.

“Hey, wait!” Before she can do anything else, they all file into the room. She can do nothing but accept her fate as they all settle around her on the bed. Well, except for Zetsu, Kakuzu, and Sasori, but she’d expected that of them.

She’s on her side on the bed with Deidara’s head on her stomach. Hidan is back-to-back with her, snoring loudly. She couldn’t move, even if she wanted to. Nagato and Konan are cuddled close to each other at the end of the bed on the right side. On the left, Kisame is star-fished. Itachi is on the bed, but on the outskirts, leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. The girl doesn’t know if he’s really asleep. Pein is on the floor at the foot of the bed, awake and apparently self-appointed night watch.

On the other side of the room is Sasori. He’s asleep on the couch, but when the girl strained her eyes, she could see chakra threads surrounding the area. Kasumi will have to watch out for them the next morning should she try to wake the demon spawn up.

Much less subtle is Kakuzu, who is in a corner, leaning against the wall with one leg pulled up to his chest. He’s surrounded himself with a half-circle of kunai that have explosive tags attached to them.

Then finally there is Zetsu. He occupies another corner of the room, venus fly trap closed and completely silent.

The girl closed her eyes for some well-deserved sleep.

* * *

She opened her eyes and can just make out the forms of Zetsu and Sasori, who are in the same position they were in before she fell asleep. However, there is no warmth on her stomach or a weight pressing against her back. Blinking, she sits up (considering no one is stopping her now), and realizes that Kisame is no longer at the end of the bed and Itachi has also disappeared, which explained why the bed was lighter. When her eyes travel to Kakuzu’s corner, she sees the kunai still there, but the boy himself is nowhere to be seen.

“Oh, boy,” She whispered to herself to make sure she didn’t wake up the ones who were still sleeping. “Why do they have to be like this.”

She gets up and asks herself, “Where could they have gone?”

“They wanted to explore.” Pein spoke from his spot on the floor and Kasumi nearly has a heart attack. She puts a hand over her mouth to make sure she doesn’t wake up the still-sleeping. “Oh my god, you scared me. Don’t do that!” She whisper-scolded, but the boy simply blinks at her, which reminds her of what he had said.

She sighed, “Stay here, okay?” And then tip-toes her way out of the room to find the others.

* * *

Deidara turned left, then right, then another left. He sighed as he saw that everything looked the same. Mimi-chan’s home was much larger than he’d first thought. Now he’s lost and he doesn’t know what to do. The blonde huffed, remembering the conversation he’d had with Hidan.

The other boy had woken up sometime in the middle of the night and his shuffling had woken him up, as well as Itachi. Kakuzu had already been awake.

“Psst,” He had tried to go back to sleep but Hidan had started shaking him persistently until he gave in and sat up.

“What?” He hissed, clearly cranky. He had never been a morning person, preferring to sleep in whenever he was given the chance.

“Let’s go on an adventure!” The boy had suggested, his eyes lighting up.

“What?” Deidara raised an eyebrow incredulously. At this time of night? It had to be around two in the morning, right now.

Kakuzu seemed to share his thoughts. “You really are as dumb as you look,” The older boy snorted. Hidan grew irritated.

“No one asked for your opinion!” He whisper-yelled, which successfully woke Kisame up.

“What’s going on?” He questioned, rubbing his eyes as he, too, sat up.

“We’re going on an adventure, do you want to come?” Hidan extended the invitation to the shark boy, who blinked and just went along with it.

“Okay.”

“Sweet! Let’s go!” Hidan and Kisame began to quietly make their way off of the bed. Deidara, never liking to be left out, began to follow them.

“You guys are stupid.”

“You’re just a pussy,” Hidan insulted as they made their way to the door. “That’s why you don’t want to come. Because you’re scared,” He mocked.

Kakuzu’s eye twitched, “No. For your information, I’m not coming because it’s a bad idea. And if you had a brain bigger than a pea, you’d know that.”

“Coward!” Hidan stuck his tongue out and Kakuzu got up.

“I’m not scared of you! Catch me if you can!” He provoked before running out the door, a furious Kakuzu and two confused boys following after him.

Itachi sighed before getting up and tailing them quietly. Kasumi-san didn’t deserve all this trouble, so he’d try his best to prevent too much destruction from happening while she was getting her rest.

And that was how Deidara found himself in his current predicament. He had tried his best to keep up with them, but he was the youngest in the group, and had been quickly left behind. He grit his teeth, feeling the tears come.

No! He was a man! He’d find them, even if he had to make a way to them!

With that, he formed a clay sculpture and set it to explode right as it hit the wall. The walls of the base shook.

* * *

Kisame found himself in the same position as Deidara. Despite being older and also the tallest in the group, he couldn’t keep up with the other two energetic boys as they raced through the compound. He’d eventually lost them at a turn, not realizing he had taken the wrong one until the voices of the other two were nowhere to be heard.

He sighed, though kept his head up. “I’ll just have to find the way back myself, then.”

He started walking, but was quick to notice the near-silent footsteps that followed after his. He continued to walk to confirm that there was someone there, and when they walked and stopped just as soon as he did, he whirled around to confront them.

“…!’ Itachi had looked genuinely surprised at that.

"Oh, it’s you,” Kisame’s eyes widened and he put down Samehada. “Sorry, I thought you were a bad guy.”

Itachi blinked, “It’s fine.”

A moment of silence passes, and Kisame, never one for awkward silences, quickly filled the void.

“So… did you follow me here?”

“Not exactly. I was following all of you, but then I lost the others, so.”

“Ah, I see. So now we’re both lost, huh?” Kisame chuckled.

“It seems so.” Itachi replied.

“Well, since you’re here already, you wanna team up and get back together?”

“Sure.” The black-haired boy agreed and walked up to him. Side by side, they began to discuss which way they should turn next in order to get back.

* * *

“Running shows cowardice!” Kakuzu yelled as he ran after the silver-haired boy who simply stuck his tongue out again. He growled and sped up.

“Get back here!” He yelled, then nearly tripped at the abrupt stop. Furrowing his eyebrows, he’s about question the boy before he looks up and realizes that they were at a dead end. So that’s why.

“Nowhere to run now,” The black-haired boy snarled, preparing to litter the other boy’s body with his kunai.

“Tch,” Hidan frowned before smirking, “It doesn’t matter, because I’ll beat you!” The boy then leaps at Kakuzu, swinging his scythe and only narrowly missing Kakuzu. And that’s because the other boy had dodged.

“You’re better than I thought,” He smirked, scythe resting on his shoulder.

“Same to you,” Kakuzu acknowledged, throwing multiple kunai at Hidan, who avoided by leaping out of the way. He was getting ready to dodge another swing at his head, but they were both stopped by a rumbling, followed by the base shaking.

“What the fuck is that? That’s not you, is it?” Hidan’s eyes narrowed at him as they both try their best to stay standing.

“No, you idiot. If it was me, don’t you think I’d be prepared for it?” He snapped, sticking a kunai into the wall and holding on to keep on his feet. Hidan was already sprawled on the floor. Figures.

Once the shaking had subsided, both boys were left panting.

“Okay, fight’s over. Let’s get back. For all we know, we could be getting attacked right now.” They eventually agreed to a truce.

They started walking in a direction and then Hidan turned to him, “Which way is the way back again?”

Kakuzu exhaled deeply and asked god for patience.

* * *

“Oh my god, what was that?” Kasumi whispered, horrified as the ground shook. She put her hands against the wall to steady herself and waited for the ground to stop moving. During that time, Nagato and Konan had joined her outside, with Pein following behind them. Their eyes were wide.

“Are we being attacked, miss?” Nagato asked worriedly as he and the other two children clung to her legs.

“I don’t know,” She responded with equal worry. “Just stay close to me,” She ordered as they slowly made their way through the base, suspicious of anything and everything.

After walking around, they found a large hole in the wall, rubble scattered around. Smoke and dust covered the area like mist, preventing the quartet from seeing the extent of the damage or what lay beyond. Kasumi frowned, then made the familiar hand signs that allowed her to breath in air and blow it out with incredible force, which successfully cleared the area to reveal… a certain blonde-haired kid who had been missing from the bed.

“Deidara?” She asked incredulously.

“Mimi-chan!” He shouted happily, before launching himself at the group of four. Kasumi barely caught him in time.

“Did you see that, Mimi-chan?” He asked excitedly, gesturing to the hole in the wall, “I did that!”

She wanted to yell at him for worrying her like that, but she sighed instead. He looked so happy. Clearly, even as a kid, he was this powerful with his bombs. So, instead of yelling, she opted to just scold him gently.

“Deidara-kun, we don’t explode bombs in here, okay?”

He pouted, “Okay.”

“But you are definitely amazing,” She muttered in disbelief and the blonde brightened.

“I’m strong!” He cheered and Kasumi put him back on the ground so he could do his little victory dance. “I’m a man!”

The black-haired girl sighed. Now for the others.

She blinked, feeling a tugging at her pant leg. Looking down, she saw Konan, who pointed at something in the distance. Looking up, she saw Itachi and Kisame making their way through the hole. She stared at them with a disappointed face.

“…” Itachi looked down while Kisame smiled sheepishly.

“I know you two are good kids, so why did you leave?” She questioned gently.

“I was going to follow them and make sure they didn’t cause any trouble. You needed to rest,” Itachi responded, “I’m sorry.”

Kasumi sighed. He was a sweet boy. Too sweet, in fact. She nodded and patted his head, smiling at him when he looked up to indicate that he was forgiven. Before she could ask Kisame to explain, two boys appeared from the other direction. Kakuzu was calmly walking toward the group of (now) seven people, while his companion ran all the way to the woman, grinning.

“I’m back, lady!” Hidan announced, not looking guilty at all, even with all the stares from the other kids.

The girl sighed in exasperation.

“…” When she looked at Kakuzu, he simply shrugged. “He was annoying me.” And, knowing him, that was the best she was going to get. Rubbing a hand over her face, she questioned why this was her life.

“Alright, seeing as everyone’s back,” She started, mentally counting to make sure everyone was, in fact, there and in one piece, “Let’s go back to bed. For real this time.” She took Nagato and Konan’s hands and lead the group back to the bedroom with no further explanation.

* * *

Zetsu’s still in the room when they return, but his fly trap is now open and he’s staring at everyone in confusion. “What did we miss?”

“Nothing,” The girl groaned, walking into the room like a zombie with equally-tired kids following after her. However, due to her lack of sleep, she failed to notice Deidara walking up to the couch. The one Sasori had settled himself into and had apparently slept through all the ruckus. Her eyes widened and by the time her mouth could open to say anything, Deidara couldn’t be stopped.

Sasori instantly snapped his eyes open when he felt a pull on his chakra threads and a puppet came flying out of nowhere (where the hell did he even hide that) and nearly stabbed the shocked blonde in the chest. Thankfully, the boy was disoriented from his abrupt awakening and was slow to get his puppet to actually carry out the move, which allowed for Kasumi to step in, grab the blonde, and hold him away from the puppet.

Deidara could only blink for several seconds.

Then, “What the hell, un!”

Sasori frowned, “Don’t wake me up.”

Meanwhile, everyone else was ignoring the near-death experience of their blonde companion and went right back to sleep. Or in Pein’s case, keeping watch.

She doesn’t know how much more of this she can take.


	3. keeping them occupied

She feels like death the next morning. After that fiasco at two AM in the morning, Kasumi never really went back to sleep. She had made sure all of _children_ had gone back to bed- most of her time had been spent on calming Deidara- and she had joined them once she made sure they were all actually asleep, but she woke every few hours. That all added up to a very irritated girl who really needed this time of silence, because who knew when those demons would wake up and cause trouble for her again.   
  
Currently she she was preparing breakfast, a simple, traditional Japanese breakfast consisting of rice and grilled fish. She opted not to make miso soup considering they'd already had soup last night.   
  
No sooner did she finish making all ten meals did the demon spawns themselves enter the room. Only they don’t come in as a group, but slowly trail in until all of them are in a seat and waiting for food. As before, she passed out the food quickly, and is surprised that the table was so quiet as she did so. But then again, half of them were still groggy, rubbing their eyes and yawning. The only ones who had gotten a good amount of rest last night had been Sasori and Zetsu, after all. They had (somehow) managed to sleep through the explosions caused by Deidara's bombs and stayed in the bedroom.   
  
The girl wasn’t complaining, however. Hopefully they wouldn’t make a mess like dinner the night before.   
  
“This is-“ he yawns, “really good, un!” Deidara muttered tiredly.   
  
“That’s great,” Kasumi cracks a smile, taking another sip of coffee. The morning is quiet and no further destruction happens all the way until noon. She can’t say she expected it, but she’s grateful.   
  
However, after their brains start to function and they are all fully awake, chaos breaks out again. It looks like the girl will have to say goodbye to her once-peaceful day. 

* * *

After breakfast, the kids immediately scatter. Kasumi groaned, powerless to stop them from leaving the room due to both of her hands filled with plates. She hurries into the kitchen and places the plates haphazardly inside with minimal damage, but is only able to catch the tail end of the group. Itachi was at the doorway and watched the girl sigh and mumble to herself about how much it would cost to replace everything they're all bound to break.   
  
There was no one left at the table, all the kids, save for Itachi, having abandoned it in favor of doing something else. That 'something else' is what she's worried about. Even the kids without wandering tendencies, namely Nagato, Pein, Konan, and Sasori, had left the room. Now, normally this wouldn't be a problem. However, these kids weren't exactly normal kids either.   
  
Lost in her thoughts of despair, Kasumi failed to notice Itachi until he tapped on her shoulder. She flinched, slowly turning to face him. "Yes? What is it, Itachi-kun?"  
  
"Do you mind if I stay with you?" The boy asked politely. She almost cries, this boy was a godsend.   
  
"No, I don't mind." she responded, smiling at the boy. "Give me a moment, and we can go find the others, okay?"  
  
Itachi simply nodded and settled back into one of the dining table's seats. He watched as the girl went back into the kitchen, the sound of running water following a few seconds after. He closed his eyes; if she's going to be cleaning the dishes, he might as well take a nap.

* * *

"Ahh! I'm bored!" Deidara announced, arms behind his head as he followed the group of children out of the room.   
  
"I know, right! What should we do?" Hidan turned around.   
  
"You shouldn't be thinking about that after the stunt you pulled last night," Kakuzu cut in bluntly.   
  
"What's that supposed to mean?!"   
  
"It's supposed to mean you got us all in trouble, you dumbass!"   
  
Konan frowned and stepped closer to Nagato, who stared at them in worry. Those two were always at each other's throats, it seemed. And after last night, he really didn't want anything to do with either of them. He turned to Pein and Konan while the two boys were arguing and the rest were watching them.   
  
"Let's go somewhere... far away from them," he suggested and was met with two nods. Quietly, the trio broke off from the group, keeping their steps light so as to make sure they're not noticed. It did the trick, though they were not able to keep Sasori from knowing of their plans. The two redheads made eye contact and Nagato stilled, mentally asking the boy not to say anything. Luckily for him, the other redhead simply stared at them with his usual stoic face, blinked, and then turned away. Nagato breathed a sigh of relief before catching up with his two companions who'd been waiting for him.   
  
Zetsu was on the outer edge of the group, both sides watching the fight because of boredom. Then, their stomach growled. White Zetsu frowned.   
  
"It seems that the food she made isn't enough," he whispered to his other side.   
  
" **I told you human food like that isn't what we need,** " his other side responded.   
  
"Shall we try to find food elsewhere, then?" White Zetsu questioned.   
  
" **It's not like anyone will miss us,** " Black Zetsu pointed out. With that, they come to a conclusion. Briefly, they glanced at the other boys to see if they were being paid attention to- which they weren't- and left silently.   
  
Sasori blinked, watching the weird plant boy leave the group. He should probably go now, too. His patience is on its last straw with all this constant yelling. He then left soundlessly, but not without a follower. He made it all the way into one of the other bedrooms- presumably, since there's a bed- before realizing his mistake. Damn it, he had been careless, if this obnoxious kid was able to follow him all the way here without his notice.   
  
"What do you want, brat?" He asked, not turning around though he knew the blonde-haired boy was standing behind him.  
  
"I'm not even that much younger than you!" The boy huffed.   
  
"And?" Sasori's eyes narrowed. "If that's all you came for, then leave."   
  
"It's not all I came for," the blonde responded.  
  
"Then what. do. you. want." Sasori snapped through clenched teeth, losing his patience. He was an impatient person by nature and it was very unhelpful when he had to deal with people like the one currently angering him.   
  
"Woah, un!" Deidara held his hands up. "I just came here to ask what your problem is!"   
  
"I don't have a problem," Sasori curtly replied, wandering around the puppet-filled room and inwardly marveling at the designs, though his face showed no sign of such.   
  
"You literally tried to kill me last night." Deidara crossed his arms.   
  
" _You_ woke me up."   
  
"Exactly, un! You have a problem if you're going to kill someone because they woke you up! I didn't even touch you, un!" The blonde flailed. Sasori stared at him, unimpressed.   
  
"I don't have to explain myself to you," he says as he sits down on the bed and places a puppet on his lap for closer inspection.   
  
Deidara frowned, before suddenly smiling. He then settled himself on the bed just a few feet from the redhead. "Then I'll just stay here."   
  
"Not happening," Sasori glared at the blonde and pushed him off the bed.   
  
"Ow!" Deidara complained as he lifted himself from the floor. "Fine, I'll leave. Puppets are stupid anyway," Deidara stormed off.   
  
Before he could leave, he felt a murderous aura coming from behind him. "What did you say?" Sasori asked in a frighteningly calm tone.  
  
The blonde smirked. Jackpot. 

* * *

In the meantime, the two previously-arguing boys had somehow managed to find themselves outside. They stood apart, a couple feet away from each other in a large clearing. Kisame stood at the forests's edge, watching the two nervously. During the argument, he had tried to help Kasumi by suggesting that the two fight outside. Both were quick to agree (because it meant they would get to fight) and all three found themselves in a clearing conveniently close to the base.   
  
"Hey, shark boy! Tell us when to start!" Hidan yelled, causing Kisame to startle awake from his thoughts.   
  
"Ahh, okay... one... two..." Both boys got in their ready stance.   
  
"Three... go!" The boy shouted and the clearing was quickly filled with dust, caused by the momentum of the boys' launching themselves at each other. Kisame brought an arm up to cover his face as the wind blew the dust his way.   
  
"Ugh." When the dust had lifted, he brought his arm down to watch the two boys duking it out, smoke going everywhere because of the explosive tags Kakuzu had attached to his kunai.   
  
"Huh. That looks fun," The blue-haired boy said thoughtfully, gripping the handles of his Samehada tighter. He'd always loved fighting. Unfortunately, he doesn't notice the approach of two figures (they weren't even trying to be quiet), stuck in his trance as he is. He is only snapped out of it by the black-haired boy he'd been with last night.   
  
"Huh? What?" The boy, Itachi he remembered, simply points at the clearing.   
  
"Just what do you think you two are doing?!" Kasumi hissed, grabbing both boys by their shirts as she separates them. Hidan struggles in her arms and carelessly swings his scythe at her in an effort to get free. She drops them while she dodged the swing.  
  
"We're just playing, geez," Hidan mumbled, patting off dirt from his clothing.   
  
"Right... just playing," the girl muttered, "You weren't just trying to kill each other and being as loud as possible when you're supposed to be doing anything but attracting attention to us." She ranted as she pushes them to go back to the base. Hidan is muttering under his breath while Kakuzu has schooled his face back to its traditional aloof, allowing the girl to lead him back.  
  
"Oh," Kisame watched the whole thing go down and suddenly feels a little ashamed. He had caused trouble for the nice lady again.  
  
"Come on," Itachi pulls him out of it as he begins to follow the other three. "Or they'll leave without us."  
  
Kisame nods, "Right." 

* * *

When the group of five have finally made their way back inside, Kasumi tells the four to stay. She then leaves to gather the others.   
  
"Stupid lady," Hidan grumbled, "We didn't even get to finish our fight."   
  
"You shouldn't have even been out there in the first place," Itachi interjected before he could complain further, tone detached.   
  
"Well! It's not your business-"   
  
"Out there? You went outside?" Zetsu popped in, causing the silver-haired boy to jump back a little.   
  
Kisame nodded, "Yeah. Hidan and Kakuzu wanted to fight, and I... kinda told them not to do it here."   
  
" **Wow, you've got balls, kid.** ," Black Zetsu remarked.   
  
Hidan smirked, "Thanks."   
  
Before they could continue, Kasumi reappears with Deidara and Sasori, who are arguing, and Pein, Konan, and Nagato. The girl clapped her hands together to get their attention.   
  
“Alright, now that I have you all together again, it’s bath time!” She announced and began to lead them to one of the many bathrooms in the base. The kids all talk with each other while they go through the compound. Sometime along the way, Kasumi noticed a certain redhead missing and sighed. She’d have to find him later, considering he’s probably long gone now with how long it took for her to realize.  
  
When they finally get there, The girl ushered all but Konan inside the bathroom.   
  
“You guys can take care of yourselves, right?” They all nod. “Good.” Kasumi says and closes the door behind hers.  
  
She smiles at the girl in front of her, “Let’s go, Konan.” The girl nods, taking her outstretched hand and together they make their way to another bathroom. 

* * *

Bath time is, predictably, a mess.  
  
There is soap everywhere, courtesy of Hidan, who had started a 'bath fight' with Kakuzu because of their failed fight earlier. He swung his scythe eratically, causing water to spill out of the tub and leak onto the floor while simultaneously dousing everyone in the room. Kakuzu, of course, responded in turn, by shoving Hidan, who slipped on the wet floor and fell with a thud.   
  
Itachi was in a corner of the room, having finished before the others (but he was now wet again, much to his chagrin), squeezing his clothes and hair to dry them. Sasori was taking deep breaths to calm himself down as he blew his now-damp-again hair out of his face. Zetsu had closed his venus fly trap in order to prevent himself from getting wet. Nagato sat in the tub, legs against his chest as he watched the fight happen nervously. Beside him was Pein who continued to wash himself like nothing was happening. Kisame was the only one who looked happy in the situation, though it was more related to being in the water than anything else. He's definitely part-shark.   
  
And then there was Deidara. The excitable blonde had been watching the fight with glee.  
  
Sasori saw his grin out of the corner of his eye. "Don't even think about it, brat." He threatened, turning toward the blonde.   
  
"Too late, un!" He shouted before he entered the fight the only way he knew how. With his clay bombs. 

* * *

The wall shakes and both girls could only furrow their eyebrows in worry. The blue shorter of the two clings to the older one, frowning.   
  
“What’s happening in there?”   
  
“I don’t want to know. And I don’t think you do, either.”   
  
Konan giggled at that. They both hurried to finish and when they were done, they hurried to the boys' bathroom. Even outside, Kasumi could see the extent of the damage because of the cracks in the wall and the water leaking out from under the door. Konan held her hand tighter as the shouts inside get louder.  
  
"DIE!"  
  
"You're getting it everywhere!"  
  
"Guys, guys! Let's calm down!"   
  
How disturbing, Konan and Kasumi's head snap to the door when it suddenly opens.   
  
"I hate you, brat." They hear Sasori say as he exits the room, clothes damp. Itachi follows after him.   
  
"Good luck cleaning that up," the redhead looks her the black-haired girl in the eye and then proceeds to leave. When Kasumi looks at him, Itachi only shakes his head. She and Konan look at each other before turning toward the door Itachi is standing beside.   
  
As she expected, it's utter chaos inside. 

* * *

"I cannot believe you two," the girl rubbed her temples, "Can you not fight for two seconds?"   
  
"Not really."   
  
"Only if you keep this idiot away from me."   
  
"Who are you calling-"   
  
"You're doing it again," Kasumi sighed, exasperated, as she separates them. The others (who are still present and haven't left) look on. Before she can start scolding them, Kasumi's phone rings. Startled, she picks it up and excuses herself, walking into another room to prevent the kids from hearing. She doesn't know what the call is about, after all. It's better to be safe than sorry.   
  
The kids watch her go.   
  
"So, what should we do?"   
  
Deidara shrugged.   
  
In the other room, Kasumi has the phone held up to her ear. "Hello?"  
  
"Kasumi-chan!" The irritating voice of Tobi speaks on the other side. She almost crushes the phone in her hand, but manages to keep her grip light.   
  
"Tobi! Where the fuck have you been?" She whisper-yelled into the phone.  
  
"Hm? If I'm correct, it's only been a day," he responded, switching to his serious persona.   
  
"Tch. Whatever," Kasumi huffed, "Anyway, did you find the person that did it?"   
  
"Hmm..."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?!"   
  
Tobi ignored her, "I haven't found them yet, but I'm getting close." She hears a sigh from the other end. "More importantly, I'd like to know what exactly you've been doing with them. I heard explosions near the area where our base is supposed to be _hidden_."  
  
"Ah, yes, that," the girl sighed, crossing her arms though no one is there to see, "It's not my fault. I think Hidan and Kakuzu were just destined to hate each other."   
  
Now it was Tobi's turn to frown. "You let them outside? How careless of you."  
  
Kasumi's eye twitched.   
  
"That's not very professional. I didn't expect that, even from you."   
  
Her grip on the phone tightened.   
  
"Well, it doesn't matter. Just keep them busy for right now. I'm very close to finding the man responsible, but in the mean time, try not attract any more attention, alright?" Tobi snarked and that was the final straw. The next thing she knew, the black-haired girl had cracked her phone and it was now in pieces on the ground. She sighed, now she has to get it replaced and, damn it, she's not getting paid nearly enough to put up with all this bullshit.   
  
She exits the room after sweeping up the broken pieces of her phone and nearly has a heart attack when she sees that all the kids are, once again, gone. And after Tobi had just warned her to stay on the down low, too. Panicked, she begins to run around the base, and comes to an abrupt halt after she sees most of the kids in the living room, crowded around the television. Most of them are so engrossed on what they're watching that they don't notice her enter, even though she's not trying to mask her presence. Interested, she tilts her head to see what has them so focused.   
  
An intense action scene is playing, with the characters darting around skillfully while they fight.   
  
The black-haired girl smiled, slipping out of the room before they realize she was there to begin with. Now to get started on dinner.


	4. when shit hits the fan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now for the part that spawned this whole story. this one's a little longer than the others.

Dinner is actually civil and goes without a hitch. Kasumi finishes it and the kids walk in not a minute later, some engaged in animated conversation about what they had just watched, while others were more quiet and content to just watch them. Only once they are all seated and eating does the black-haired girl notice the emptiness of two chairs. Zetsu and Sasori were not joining the others for dinner.   
  
She frowned. She knew those two, in particular, had a tendency of breaking off from the group and going by themselves, but she was worried. Surely, they'd be hungry by now, right? She's pulled out of her thoughts when a hand tugs on her shirt.   
  
"Just leave them food. They will come for it," Itachi advised as he walks past her to deposit his empty plate into the sink.   
  
Kasumi smiled. That's right. Maybe they just didn't want to eat with the others tonight. "Thanks, Itachi," the girl says cheerfully as she sets the two remaining plates where Zetsu and Sasori's seats were as the other kids start finishing one after another and leaving the room.   
  
The girl sighed as she cleans up after them, trying her best to keep her eyes from straying back to the two untouched meals still on the table.   
  
"Let's watch another one, un!" She catches Deidara's voice as the group walk back into the room with the television, followed by murmured agreements from the others.   
  
Itachi's still in the kitchen when she enters. The two make eye contact.  
  
"I'll watch them," Itachi promised as he leaves the girl lost in thought. 

* * *

The movies are able to enrapture the kids for the rest of the night, until Kasumi eventually decides that it's too late for kids to be awake- they may have the talents of an s-rank criminal, but they're still children- so she loudly walks into the room to get their attention and ignores some of the complaints and grumbling. They surprisingly follow her into one of the bedrooms again, despite the fact (and she knows this) that they know there are multiple other, maybe better, bedrooms around the base.   
  
When they pass the dining room on the way there, Kasumi tries hard not to frown and worry the kids. The meals are still there, not a single thing out of place. Itachi is the only one that notices.   
  
Getting them to go to sleep is unusually easy as well. The girl thinks that something bad is going to happen in exchange for it, but it may just be because of the long day and the fact that it's one in the morning and they're still awake. Not to mention that they didn't get enough sleep last night either.   
  
Before she knows it, Kasumi is, once again, tangled in a mass of sleeping bodies. She had plans of checking if the two absent kids had eaten (and if they didn't, she'd find them and  _make_ them eat), but now she couldn't even move a muscle, lest she risk disturbing one of the kids who are using her as a pillow. She sighed, staring at the empty couch and one of the corners and curses kids for being so weird.  
  
But eventually, her exhaustion catches up with her in the midst of those thoughts and she falls asleep. 

* * *

" **Do we _have_ to eat it?** "  
  
"We should."   
  
" **We already ate.** "  
  
"If we don't, she'll be worried about us." White Zetsu patiently explains to his other side.   
  
" **I don't understand why she'd care about us.** " Black Zetsu frowned.  
  
"She's a kind woman. Even though we're not normal, it's all the same to her and she's treating us no different than other kids..." White Zetsu trails off as his other side provides no other argument.   
  
Sasori clenched his teeth, hearing the end of their conversation. He frowned, walking into the room and eating his food, lost in thought. He pays no mind to his companion who he'd startled. He just couldn't figure the woman out. Why? Why was she so nice? Why did she care, when they weren't even  _her_ kids?"  
  
Zetsu silently stares at the preoccupied redhead and says nothing. When he finishes his meal, he leaves the boy alone in the room and makes his way to the bedroom, settling in his spot in the corner without waking anyone up. Before he closes his fly trap, he sees Sasori soundlessly slip into the room and lay on the couch he'd claimed for himself.   
  
All is still and silent, and Kasumi seems to relax as if she feels their presence in the room, where they belonged. 

* * *

Elsewhere, it is _not_ very quiet. The very opposite, in fact.  
  
The wind is rushing in his ears as his surroundings blur around him. His footsteps seem to thud every time he leaps from branch to branch, going at breakneck speeds as he chases after the cloaked figure he'd seen in the hideout just before the whole akatsuki-turning-into-children thing. Tobi smirked as he slowly began to gain on the intruder, until eventually the man is trapped in between him and a large cliff.   
  
The cloaked figure takes a step back every time Tobi takes a step forward, and it continues like that until the man's back touches the cliff face.   
  
"Nowhere to run now," Tobi crossed his arms. The man clenched his teeth and said nothing.   
  
"Now tell me why you attacked us." Still, the man doesn't reply.   
  
"Nothing to say? That's fine," Tobi uncrossed his arms, "I'll just have to make you talk, then." His one eye activates with the Sharingan, and he stares at the other menacingly. There is an aura of murder to him.   
  
When the figure does nothing but look down, the masked man stalks over to him, grabbing him by the chin and roughly raising his head so their eyes meet. The next thing the cloaked man knows, he's in a clearing with the masked man; the sky is red and he's standing on grass. Only, when he looks down, he's suddenly standing on a pile of dead bodies. They surround him and make up the ground so he can't move.   
  
When he hears Tobi forming behind him, he smirks.   
  
"You're too late!" He laughs crazily, arms spreading, "Those allies of yours are being killed as we speak."   
  
Tobi's eye widened. Seeing that, the man only laughs more.   
  
"I was merely a decoy, and you-" He is stopped when he is stabbed through the stomach by a pole. He chokes, coughing out blood and doesn't notice the flock of crows until it's too late, and suddenly, he's screaming as they eat him alive.   
  
"Tch." Tobi lets his body fall as the genjutsu fades away. He stabs the man using a kunai with an explosive tag for good measure and is already sprinting through the trees before it detonates. He's so far that the smoke from the explosion doesn't even reach him.   
  
Pulling out his phone, he dials Kasumi's number quickly and holds it up to his ear. He's met with three rings and a voicemail saying to call back later.   
  
"Damn it, Kasumi," He pockets the phone and concentrates on racing back to the hideout.   
  
In the kitchen, the broken pieces of the girl's phone lay in the trash. 

* * *

The kids have already left the room by the time she opens her eyes, and she can hear them running around the base. When she fully wakes, her thoughts immediately snap back to last night and she hurriedly rushes out of the room and to the dining room. She doesn't notice the still-asleep redhead on the couch in her haste.   
  
On her way to the dining room, she narrowly dodges a scythe swinging at her torso, deflects multiple kunai, and swerves many times to dodge the children running around. Finally, she makes it to the room and sighs with relief, seeing the two now-empty plates.   
  
When she returns to the bedroom to clean up the mess of pillows, she notices a certain redhead sleeping on the couch. Smiling, she makes her way over and crouched down, gently shaking the boy awake. Fortunately for her, the boy had not set up his chakra strings before he fell asleep and she's only met with an irritated stare.   
  
"Go away," Sasori said blankly. At the response, Kasumi sighed. It's time she sorted whatever problem he had with her while they were still alone.   
  
"Listen, kid," the girl starts, "Why do you hate me so much? Did I do something?"   
  
He blinks at her.   
  
"My parents died," the boy deadpanned, "I have deep emotional scars due to the fact that I was never able to experience real parental affection and I'm simply taking my frustrations out on you because it's easy." He finished all in one breath.   
  
Oh, wow. How do you even respond to  _that_? But secondly, did he just call her  _easy_?   
  
"Easy?" Her eye twitched. She may be an adult, but she never said anything about being a  _mature_ adult. From the look on the redhead's face, it seems they're on the same page for that one. Yeah, she really needs to get her priorities straight; she knows, okay?   
  
"Yes, easy. You actually respond. Puppets don't." The boy replied nonetheless.   
  
Wow this kid is really laying it heavy on the angst. It makes it hard to respond because he has genuine problems, and she should be giving him her support and helping him rather than argue with him like a child and stooping to his level. Sasori- or at least this version of him- had been deprived of and is starved for affection, no matter how much he tries to cover it up with his stoic exterior.   
  
Kasumi sighed, "Come here," she said, opening her arms to him. He stares at her, visibly unsure and uncomfortable with the situation. It's easy to guess that he's not used to it and that may be the reason.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because no one deserves to feel like how you do," she says into his hair as she gives the boy a long-overdue hug. He doesn't reciprocate, but he doesn't need to. It's quite easy to know that he appreciates her efforts.   
  
After a while, the girl gets up, "Now come on. It's been long enough; the others will wonder where we are."   
  
The boy nods and walks off. Kasumi stays in the room for a while longer, not noticing the footsteps begin to fade as she sits lost in her thoughts. She snaps out of it at the sound of explosions and the ground shaking. She frowned, instantly thinking of Deidara.   
  
However, there are more explosions following the first. One is toward the right side of the base and the other at the back. Her eyes widened. The explosions aren't from Deidara, or any of the children for that matter. They're being attacked.   
  
She curses as she runs out of the room in a hurry. Tobi's not back yet, everyone is a child, she is the only adult, and this seems to be a full-scale invasion (or at least one warranting more than just a couple men). Not to mention that she's just a spy, miles away from the level of skill and power that the Akatsuki members possessed. But right now, they were children and they were counting on her.   
  
Even if she can't fight them off, there was still the possibility of escape. 

* * *

Sasori's alone when the shaking starts.   
  
"Tch." He hugged the wall as the effects of the first explosion subside and two more follow. When they all fade away, he quickly stands and brushes himself off as he looks around him cautiously. He's not stupid. He knows they're being attacked, and that's why he's constantly looking over his shoulder as he walks through a corridor.  
  
Just as he reaches a branched path, he hears voices. Frowning, he leans against the wall as the men discuss with each other which way to go.  
  
Unfortunately for him, one nosy chunin decides to look to the right and sees him.   
  
"There's one of them!" He immediately points out to his comrades, who all turn to Sasori, who stares at them with a bored expression.  
  
"What's wrong, kid? Overwhelmed?" The man misinterprets his expression.   
  
"Of course not," he responds, calmly, "If anything,  _you're_ the one overwhelmed." With that, he summons multiple puppets, chakra strings now visible to the shocked intruders as the puppets swiftly descend on them, guided by Sasori. 

* * *

"This way!"   
  
"Wait! Let's check the rooms."   
  
The unfamiliar voices of men drifted through the hallways and Zetsu frowned. He had been wandering around the base when the shaking had started, and eventually ran into a room to wait it out. When the aftershocks were over, he had planned to hurry to the only adult in the compound, but it seemed that men were everywhere- and not friendly ones either.  
  
"Intruders?"  
  
" **I don't recognize their voices.** "  
  
"Should we intervene?"   
  
" **I am kind of hungry.** "  Black Zetsu answered, causing his other half to chuckle. Before they could decide on their plan of action, the door to the room opened. Turning toward it, they see a group of chunin, kunai out and looking ready for a fight.   
  
"Get him!" At the order, one of them leap at Zetsu. The boy blinked and dodged him at the last second by phasing into the floor, causing the man to fall flat on his face.  
  
"Huh? What?" The man who attacked looked around and below him, dazed.   
  
"Where did he go?" The other men who had been in the back and had watched the ordeal questioned, looking around. Then, suddenly, there was a thud. When the group had collectively turned around, they saw one of their men on the floor, bleeding profusely due to missing a chunk of his arm.  
  
"He's dead," said one of the men who came to check on their companion, horrified. The others started to fidget in unease.   
  
"AH!" A scream from another, coming from the other direction. They too fell on the floor, unmoving. Through all of this, none of the ninja could find a trace of the two-faced boy. It's as if he was never there. But that couldn't be possible, could it? He looked to be ten, at most! Even the most talented ninja couldn't perform techniques that enabled them to literally vanish into thin air!  
  
"W-what's going on here?" a voice stuttered. He is answered by someone grabbing his leg. Looking down, he screams at the sight of Zetsu, who just licks his lips.   
  
"Unfortunately for you," White Zetsu started, " **We haven't had breakfast yet.** " Black Zetsu finished.   
  
He pulls the man down and his comrades can only look on, terrified. 

* * *

When he heard the explosions, Deidara had been impressed. It wasn't as grand as his- nothing could compare to him and his bombs, after all- but it definitely did the trick. However, being accustomed to it, the boy didn't sway or even falter in his steps. He was going to find the people responsible for the explosions and ask to fight them; that'll prove that he's the best at explosives!  
  
He had been running for a few minutes now, trying to pinpoint the source of the explosions, when he heard footsteps coming from the other direction. Smirking, he waited for the intruders to come to him, instead.   
  
"Took you long enough, un," He greeted the chunin with a grin.   
  
"Heh. Looks like this one is stupid enough to give himself up without a fight," one of the men say.   
  
"Who are you calling stupid?!" Deidara huffed angrily, hands going into one of his pockets, his hand-mouths beginning to chew the clay he hid in them.   
  
"You, shorty. Now why don't you just make it easy for us and come here?" They mocked.   
  
Deidara frowned, "No way in hell."   
  
One of the men sighed, "Then we'll just have to take you by force, then." They began to approach him, kunais out. Deidara smirked.  
  
"I'd like to see you try," he says cockily as he pulls his hand out of his pocket. "Be happy; you get to experience my bombs in person!" The blonde shouts to them, opening his palm to reveal a clay bird sitting on top. It rises and flies to the group of men. Some regard it with caution, weapons still out, but the leader is arrogant.   
  
"This is your weapon? What's a little bird going to do-" The bird explodes, blowing the group into pieces as smoke covers the entire corridor. Deidara lifts his arms up to cover his face from it and laughs crazily.   
  
"This is art, un!" 

* * *

Itachi frowned. Those explosions couldn't mean anything good. He stays put and waits for the quaking to subside before deeming it safe to continue walking. He had been on his way to find Kasumi when the shaking had started. Eyebrows furrowed, he started to run through the hallways taking care to stay light on his feet. They were being attacked, he was sure of it. Even the excitable blonde bomber wouldn't cause this much damage.   
  
His eyes, with sharingan activated, searched urgently for the lone adult in the compound. However, there were too many bodies and some of the walls were too thick and better suited for something like the byakugan.   
  
He began to worry about the others when he heard footsteps behind him.   
  
"You're growing careless, Uchiha," one of the men behind him sneered. "Or is it because you're just a tiny kid, now?"   
  
Itachi's frown deepened and he turned to face them, sharingan still activated. The men noticed it immediately and grew uneasy, though were still firm in the belief that they could best the small Uchiha. After all, there were a whole group of them, and only one of him. Not to mention, they were all adults and he was only nine.   
  
Big mistake.  
  
"You shouldn't be here," Itachi murmured. Then his eyes flashed and the last thing they see is his sharingan as they are taken into a genjutsu. It only takes minutes before the bodies fall before him.   
  
"Hmph." He leaves them there and continues on his quest to find the others. 

* * *

"Come to fight?" Kisame asked, Samehada strapped on his back. He had actually been at the source of the first explosion, and so had been the first to see the invading ninja through the hole they blew into the wall.   
  
They all tensed, clearly not expecting him to be there already, and ready for a fight, too. They quickly regained their bearings though and immediately pulled out their chosen weapons. Kisame took a second to scan his surroundings and grinned in a shark-like manner. The men were unnerved by his reaction. He was clearly alone and surrounded by many grown ninja, and yet he smiled? More than that, he looked to be happy?  
  
"You know, I'm kinda glad you're here," the boy said as he grips the handle of his sword, "It feels like I haven't fought in a long time." He brandished his sword.  
  
The men frowned.  
  
Kisame grinned, "What? I can take all of you at once, I promise." Then, without warning, he leaps to one of the ninja and stabs him through the stomach, instantly killing him. The boy shakes the body off his sword as he turned to face the men, who had backed away from him.   
  
"If you're lucky, you might even get to see Samehada unwrapped," Kisame remarked as he leapt directly to the group of men, inciting them to fight back.   
  
Swords clashed. 

* * *

Hidan and Kakuzu had actually found themselves outside when the explosions started, so they were the least affected. Seeing smoke coming from the base, Kakuzu frowned and tried to make his way back inside to see what happened and ask the woman who had been taking care of them what the hell was going on. Emphasis on the  _tried_ part, however. Before he could move, him and Hidan were quickly surrounded by chunin and trapped.  
  
"OI! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!" Hidan shouted, gripping his scythe tightly.   
  
Kakuzu groaned from beside him, ear drums thrumming from the volume. "Shut up, Hidan."   
  
Before the silver-haired boy could retort, they were stopped by one of the men- the leader of the group, presumably.  
  
"If you make this easy and just come with us, we won't have to hurt you," he coaxed from outside the circle of men that surrounded the two boys.   
  
"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU FUCKERS, ARE?!" Hidan raged. Kakuzu is happy to see that he's not the only one affected by his volume, as he watches some of the men grimace and put a hand over their ears.   
  
"Now, now, children," Kakuzu and Hidan both frown at that, "There's no need to be so loud and disobedient. Just do what I say and you'll be fine."   
  
"Like hell we will," Hidan answered and, for once, Kakuzu actually agreed with him.   
  
The leader's face twists in irritation, finally realizing he's getting nowhere with them. "Well, you asked for it. I offered you the easy way out, but if you're so inclined to suffer..." He motions the men to close in, "Then I guess we'll have to do it the hard way."   
  
Kakuzu grits his teeth as the men close in. He finds himself back-to-back with his enemy, but can't even complain about it right now.   
  
Behind him, Hidan whispers, "I know you don't like me, but these guys need to get their asses kicked," He says and waits for Kakuzu to agree before he continues. "So how about we team up just this once and teach them a lesson?"  
  
Kakuzu smirks, "For once in your life, you have a good idea." Fortunately, the other boy chooses to ignore the negative implications of that sentence.   
  
"Okay, on the count of three. One, two-" Kakuzu uses his technique, Earth Grudge Fear, to separate one of his arms from himself and sweep through the right side (his side) of the circle. The ninja, not expecting it, are wiped out like pins to a bowling ball.   
  
"Oi, what the fuck! Do you even know what 'the count of three' even means?!" Hidan shouted.   
  
Kakuzu snorted, "There was no need to wait for that long when I could've knocked them out all in one go. And look at that, I did." He indicates to the unconscious bodies on the floor. "But anyway, you have your own to worry about."  
  
Hidan blinked and turned around to see the ninja on his side of the circle leaping at him. "Tch. Worst partner ever," he complains and slices through most of them with one swing of his scythe. Blood splatters everywhere and drips down his scythe as he grins crazily.   
  
"You're next," the silver-haired boy says as he runs at the jonin, Kakuzu backing him up. 

* * *

Back inside the base, Nagato and Pein are separated from Konan. The three of them had been walking together down the hallway when there was an explosion, causing one of the walls to crumble and smoke to go everywhere. In the ensuing chaos, the redhead had accidentally let go of his friend's hand, and when he tried to find her, he felt a hand push him away and through another hallway.   
  
"Pein! We can't leave her there!" Nagato tried to turn back, but the orange-haired boy wasn't having it. The redhead looked up at his friend, who simply shook his head and pointed out the amount of smoke and rubble they had just escaped. Nagato sighed.   
  
"Alright. We'll just have to find a different way to her, then," he says and gets a nod from his friend.   
  
They begin to walk with an unplanned destination, which lead them to one of the larger spaces of the base. The room was empty, save for some couches and a table.  _A living room, then_ , Nagato thinks as they cautiously step forward. Unfortunately, they weren't the only ones there.   
  
"Well, well, well. We thought we'd have to look for you, but it seems you fell right into our hands," a man says from across the room. He has a small squad behind him, as the boys find out when they all march into the room.   
  
"What do you want?" Nagato asked calmly.   
  
"You," the man replied and wasted no time in leaping at him to attack, his subordinates following.   
  
Pein was faster, however, and quickly stepped forward to shield Nagato from the attacks. The redhead, meanwhile, activated his rinnegan, and specifically the deva path, to push the men away through Pein. The sound of bones crunching could be heard as their bodies collide with the wall. Only the jonin is unaffected.   
  
Nagato frowned, on guard, as the man clapped his hands.   
  
"Well done. You're better than I thought," he smirked cruelly, "But can you dodge this?" The man launches himself at the redhead who closes his eyes. The jonin's eyes widen as he is stopped in mid-air, Nagato once again using the deva path by channeling it through Pein. The man is dragged towards the boys and is made to fall on his knees, Nagato standing over him.   
  
"You're not welcome here," the boy spoke bluntly, putting his hand on the man's head and yanks the soul out of his body via the human path. He topples over, dead, as Nagato's eyes blink rapidly in response to the new information. When it's all over and he's sorted through his memories, he frowns and turns to Pein.  
  
"We have to go to Kasumi-san," he says urgently and they set off. 

* * *

Konan frowned. During the explosion, she had lost her grip on Nagato and the smoke prevented her from seeing where either he or Pein were. When the smoke cleared, her friends were nowhere to be found and she was alone.   
  
_They left me..._    
  
While she was lost in thoughts of abandonment, she failed to notice the ninjas until they were upon her. When she looked up and saw a kunai heading straight at her face, she gasped, and before it could make contact with her, her body split into millions of pieces of paper.   
  
"Shit!" The one who had thrown it cursed. She would make him pay for his mistake.  
  
"Get her!" The same man implored, causing all the ninjas to frantically start stabbing through the pieces of paper scattered about. It was no use, though. Konan was still young and inexperienced, but this technique had saved her countless of times, and it would save her today.   
  
"..." She said nothing as her sheets of paper converged and began to form her body again. Appearing behind the group, she created multiple hardened paper shuriken and threw them at the men with practiced ease, hitting most of them fatally. The others whom she'd missed, she sent paper to cover them up and engulf them completely, resulting in death through asphyxiation.   
  
She'd saved the jonin for last, allowing him to get a hit in, only to realize that it didn't matter as she dissolved into paper again. With those same sheets of paper, she covered him completely until he was no longer breathing.   
  
"I should find the others. They must be being attacked right now, too," she muttered to herself and starts determinedly in a direction once her body is formed again. 

* * *

"Oh my god, this is  _so_ not good," Kasumi mumbled to herself, pulling at the strands of her hair as she runs through the base, her panicked thoughts the only reason for her sudden speed. She had never run so fast in her entire life.   
  
The base was eerily quiet now and it was creeping the girl out. As she turned the corner, she found out why. Lying on the floor were dead bodies, all scattered around the hallway in various states of injury, but most assuredly dead. And in the middle of it all was Sasori, who was simply standing there with his puppets floating around him. He looked up when he heard the girl's footsteps approaching.   
  
"You took too long. I already took care of them," he said by way of greeting, face giving away nothing- like he hadn't just killed a whole bunch of men all by himself. Kasumi gaped.  
  
"Uh... okay. You killed them all by yourself?" She still couldn't believe it.   
  
"Isn't that what I just said?" the boy responded irately.   
  
"Okay, then," she cleared her throat with an uneasy smile, "Since you've already taken care of things here, let's go find the others. They can't be too far."   
  
He nodded and followed Kasumi, keeping a few feet away just for the sake of it. There's a crash somewhere to her right, so the girl hurries in that direction, only to have to dodge a flying body coming straight at her. Two more are launched at the nearby wall as she blinked and tried to process what was happening. From the direction of the bodies comes Itachi, to her complete and utter shock (though she really shouldn't be- he is an Uchiha, after all).   
  
He looks surprised to see her there and immediately runs up to her. "We're being attacked. There are enemies everywhere."   
  
"Yeah. I can see you've done your share," she replied nervously, looking at the corpses.   
  
"At least they're pretty bad," Sasori intervened and Itachi had to nod at that.   
  
Kasumi looked at them as if they'd each grown two heads. What was wrong with these children? She'd bet that the invaders couldn't actually be that bad, but these kids were just on another level entirely.   
  
"Alright, deep breaths," she instructed herself and they had the gall to look at her as if  _she_ was the odd one. As if the fact that all these people were dead, and because of children no less, was at all a normal thing that happens. She took a deep breath and exhaled, "Okay, I'm good. Let's go find the others."  
  
The boys turned to look at each other before nodding slowly at her. 

* * *

She, quite literally, bumped into Zetsu next.   
  
"Ah, hello, miss." White Zetsu greeted, though it was punctured by chewing and goodness,  _she did not want to know_.   
  
" **We were hungry,** " Black Zetsu defended at her look.    
  
"I didn't say anything!" The girl put her hands up. Just then, she feels something run into her legs. Looking down, her eyes meet with bright blue ones.  
  
"Mimi-chan!" the blonde crowed, "I made the bad men go boom!" He supplemented his words by putting his hands into a fist and then popping them out.   
  
"Ahaha... yeah. That's great, Deidara-kun." The girl pat his head with soulless eyes. These kids were insane and had no moral compass whatsoever it seemed. Nor did they have a limit to their strength, apparently. No wonder they were themselves in the future. Clearly, no one taught these kids the concept of mercy.   
  
She is brought out of her thoughts by a panting Konan, who'd clearly been running all the way up until now. Her eyes brightened when she saw her and the other kids gathered, though it dimmed a little when her eyes scanned the kids and found that Pein and Nagato were not one of them.   
  
"Are you all alright?" She whispered in worry as she joined the group, staring at the only other girl intensely, trying to spot any injuries.  
  
"Yes, we're fine."  
  
"Like I'd let those simpletons beat me."  
  
"They went boom, un!"  
  
Konan smiled, "That's good." She turned to Kasumi, "And you? Are you okay?"  
  
The black-haired girl smiled a nervous smile at her. "I'm perfectly okay. Mostly since you guys already took care of a lot of it before I've even done anything," she said a little self-deprecatingly. Konan giggled.   
  
"Well, at least you're okay," Konan tried to cheer her up, which brought a genuine smile to the other girl's face.   
  
"Yeah. You guys are pretty good at taking care of yourselves," she said. Then the group went silent as they heard voices coming from another room. Kasumi looked at the kids, who just shrugged at her. _Yep, definitely not normal_ , the girl thought as she lead them closer to where the voices were still speaking.

* * *

They hadn't even taken more than a few steps before the voices suddenly cut off. By the time the group had arrived, the room was a mess, with corpses haphazardly lying on the floor or positioned awkwardly on top of surfaces. Konan quickly recognizes the two responsible.  
  
"Nagato! Pein!" she leaps at them, engulfing them both in a hug.   
  
"Konan!" Nagato responds, relieved, and immediately relaxes into the hug. Kasumi and the other kids are left standing there awkwardly watching the exchange. When the three notice all the eyes are on them, they hurriedly separate. Konan and Nagato's face are notably red, but no one comments on it.   
  
"Alright, so we have Sasori, Itachi, Zetsu, Deidara, Konan, Nagato, and Pein," the girl counted. "So that means we're missing Hidan, Kakuzu, and Kisame, right?" she asked the group. Itachi and Sasori nodded.   
  
"Okay, so let's-"   
  
"Follow the trail of bodies that look like they lead outside?" Sasori interjected. Kasumi's eye twitched in irritation.  
  
"Yes, exactly that. Thanks, Sasori," she responded sarcastically and began to follow the trail of bodies, which did indeed lead to the outside via a hole in the wall. Immediately, the girl spots familiar silver hair. And even if she hadn't, the argument between the two should've clued her in.   
  
"Hidan! Kakuzu!" she called as she got closer, "Oh, and Kisame!"   
  
The three immediately turn to her as she runs up to them, the rest of the group following, albeit at a slower pace.   
  
"Did you see my kills?" Hidan bragged.  
  
"I had so much fun today!" Kisame excitedly shared.   
  
"..." Kakuzu simply stared at her, stoic face in place.   
  
"Yeah... I saw," she responded with a smile.  _Only I wish I didn't_. Kakuzu snorted then, as if he could read her thoughts. The more believable reason was that it probably showed on her face and he just picked up on it. But mind reading wasn't too out there, considering all she had witnessed today.   
  
"Alright, so now that we're all here-" She is once again interrupted, only this time by the appearance of an unfamiliar figure. Around her, the children tensed. She had never seen this man before, and so would not know of his skill level and strength, but she got im-gonna-fuck-you-up-if-you-even-try vibes from him. Not good.   
  
She's about to ask him what he wants before the man just whips his hands out in front of him and starts rapidly doing hand signs. He's so fast that the girl can't even think about stopping him, and only reacts when he inhales and starts blowing fire in their direction. After that, she's all adrenaline.  
  
"AH! BACK INSIDE!" The girl screamed, ushering the children back inside, which they did reluctantly. More explosions caused the ground to shake and destabilize the already-damaged base. Due to that, the kids had to split, and since Kasumi had taken up the back, she was powerless to stop it.   
  
Sighing, she could only watch everyone- who she had  _just_ gathered not even seconds before- scatter again, while she was left with only Deidara, Sasori, and Zetsu.   
  
Where was that asshole, Tobi?!


	5. back to normal

Kasumi panted, leaning against the wall. After they had all been split once again because of more explosions, she, Zetsu, Sasori, and Deidara had slid into one of the many rooms to wait out the shaking and hide from their attacker at the same time. While she tried to get her breath back, the three boys didn't even look winded as they wait for her to tell them what they're going to do next.  
  
"You guys are insane," she said, taking big gulps of air.   
  
"Are you sure you're not just unfit?" Sasori retorted.   
  
The girl glared at him, "Maybe it has something to do with worrying about all of you and running around everywhere to make sure you're all still in one piece."   
  
"Well, anyway-" Deidara cut in before the two could start arguing, "What are we going to do now?"   
  
There is silence before the girl swallowed her nervousness and got herself together. She pushed off the wall and looked at her little group. "There's nothing we can do. We have to find the others. That man is dangerous," she explained. All three boys nodded, though Sasori frowned. They might not make it to the others before the man would.   
  
The girl, Deidara, and Sasori start toward the door, but Kasumi stops when she doesn't hear Zetsu follow. She frowned, turning around and about to ask what was wrong, but the boy beats her to it.   
  
"To make it faster, we can go find some of them," White Zetsu volunteered.   
  
"I don't think that's a good idea-"  
  
" **The bigger the group, the better chance we have if the man comes after us,** " Black Zetsu reasoned.   
  
The girl, however, is still unsure. "But we'll be splitting up _more_."   
  
"It can't be helped."   
  
Kasumi is about to make up a bullshit excuse to make sure the boy stays with them instead when she feels a tug on her pant leg. Looking down, Sasori's brown eyes bore into her own.   
  
"Just let them go," he said bluntly. Kasumi frowned again. Well, if it helps them bring everyone together faster, then she doesn't have a choice, does she?   
  
"Alright," the girl agreed, "BUT! You have to come straight back, okay? As soon as you see even one of them, go straight to the living room, okay?"   
  
The boy nodded, and before the trio's eyes, he absorbs himself into the ground and disappears from sight within a matter of seconds. Looking to her remaining companions, she cracked her knuckles, "Let's go find the others, then. And kick some ass."   
  
"Blow them up, un!" Deidara cheered as they leave the room. Sasori simply smirked in response. 

* * *

Itachi and Kisame had ended up lost in the corridors after the split, but at least they were together. They were both silent as they walked cautiously through the hallway they were in, until eventually, they reached a crossroads.   
  
Kisame turned to Itachi, "Which way should we go?"   
  
The other boy frowned, "I don't know," he said. "Maybe we shouldn't be moving-"   
  
They are interrupted by a group of ninja.   
  
"Hey! Stop right there!" They shouted, coming from the right path. Both boys tensed, Itachi's eyes flashing with the sharingan while Kisame gripped the handle of his Samehada in preparation for a fight. As they expected, they got one, and separated from each other (they had been standing side-by-side) to dodge the flying kunai launched at them. They looked at each other when they landed back on the floor before turning their attention back to the enemies.   
  
Kisame smirked, wielding Samehada, "I'll take the ones on the left, and you take the ones on the right?"  
  
"Sure," Itachi agreed and made eye contact with the men, letting them fall to his illusions. He could hear scuffling in the background as he finished the ninja off that were trapped in his genjutsu. By the time he had snapped out of it, it was completely silent and Kisame had his sword returned back to where it usually rests- on his back.   
  
"Woo!" the boy stretched, “Today's just full of action, isn't it?" he grinned at Itachi, who nodded. Together, they were about to decide if they should stay put or pick a direction to go- and if so, _which_ direction to go- when a familiar fly trap spawns from the ground. They turned towards Zetsu and watched quietly until the boy's form was completely revealed and the ground was back to its original state.   
  
"Zetsu?" Itachi addressed.   
  
" **Yo.** " Black Zetsu greeted in turn.   
  
"It's a good thing we found you. The nice woman wants us all together," White Zetsu explained.  
  
"Ah! So you know where she is?" Kisame questioned, both him and Itachi approaching the two-faced boy.   
  
"Right now, not necessarily," he frowned, " **But she told us to meet her at the living room with anyone we find.** "   
  
"Oh, okay. Should we get going then?"  
  
"Yes. Hopefully, she has found the others," Zetsu nodded and they began to walk in the direction of the living room. All the boys are silent and alert as they make their way there.   
  
"There! Just through this hall." The boys start to run through the remainder of the hallway and stop abruptly when they see another group of three emerge from one of the connecting hallways.   
  
"You guys!" Konan shouted, surprised. Pein and Nagato are with her, looking equally as shocked. They had all nearly collided with each other in their haste.   
  
"Konan, Nagato, Pein," White Zetsu counted and smiled, "Good timing. We're actually supposed to be meeting the girl in the living room, which is just right there." He nods toward the room.  
  
"Ah... how lucky," Nagato smiled.   
  
Before they can continue the reunion, there's a sudden shout from said room, coming from a certain adult female.   
  
"That doesn't sound good," Itachi frowned, "We should hurry there, _now_." At his words, everyone snaps out of it and nod, hurrying toward the shout. _Please be alright_ , Itachi thinks as he leads the group. 

* * *

"Where are we going, un?" Deidara questioned as he held the girl's hand.  
  
"We have to find at least one of the others before we meet up at the living room, Deidara-kun," she responds distractedly, looking around to make sure there were no enemies around. Sasori is holding her other hand- which happened after much convincing- while they walk around, eyes alert for any wandering kids. It's just Kasumi's luck that they don't run into them in a normal way.   
  
Because Hidan is Hidan, he makes a grand entrance. And by grand entrance, the girl means that he almost sliced her in half.   
  
"AH!" she screamed as she just barely avoided the scythe, watching it embed itself into the wall next to her. Deidara had been pulled back when the girl had dodged, while Sasori had been the one _to_ alert the female of immediate danger by pulling on her pant leg before it happened.   
  
"HIDAN!" the female yelled, agitated. This had got to be the third time he's almost killed her since he became a child. He was way too excitable with that scythe of his. That weapon in the hands of a child Hidan was probably more dangerous than it being in the hands of an _adult_ Hidan.   
  
"Oh, it's the lady! I thought you were an enemy!" the silver-haired boy addressed, clearly surprised. He quickly got over it, though, and shouldered his scythe, turning his head in the direction he'd come from and calling, "Hey, asshole, over here!"   
  
There are footsteps and a second later, Kakuzu emerged.   
  
"Oh, that's good that you're together," the girl sighed in relief. It made her job much easier.   
  
"We should go to the living room, now. Maybe the others are already there," Sasori interjected. Everyone turned to look at him and nodded.   
  
When they make it into the living room, it's completely silent and there is not a soul in it. Kasumi frowned. She had been hoping for the other kids to have somehow arrived before her, aided by Zetsu, but it looks as if it was too much to hope for.   
  
"Watch out, un!" Deidara snapped her out of her glum thoughts.   
  
Sasori attaches his chakra strings to her and quickly moves her out of the way of the blast of fire. While he does this, Deidara throws a bomb in the attacker's direction, only for him to suddenly disappear, making the bomb explode on Hidan, who'd been behind the intruder, instead.   
  
"Shit!" Deidara yelled as he's blown back by his own blast's impact.   
  
Kakuzu tensed when the attacker suddenly reappeared in front of him. He grit his teeth and popped his arms out, allowing his threads to break free and attempt to strangle the man. Unfortunately for him, the other is able to dodge his threads and, by grabbing a hold of it, he throws Kakuzu in the wall.   
  
"Tch," Sasori hissed as the man turns to him and Kasumi. They are backed into a corner with the man rapidly doing hand signs in preparation for an attack. He can't call his puppets in at this rate, and especially not without risking the girl who's standing uselessly beside him.   
  
_This is the end_ , Kasumi thinks as she closes her eyes, but she never feels the blast. Opening her eyes, she sees why.   
  
Before the man could complete his hand signs, Nagato had channeled deva path through Pein, who restrained him. Itachi and Konan were both in front of her, shielding her just in case the duo were to fail. Then, the girl's eyes widened, seeing Kisame leap from behind Pein and Nagato, sword finally unwrapped to reveal Samehada's true form. Before she knows it, there is a sickening slice sound as the shark boy rips the man clean in half.   
  
With that, the battle is over, and Kasumi passes out. 

* * *

"Mimi-chan!"  
  
"Please wake up."  
  
"Don't die on us now, lady!"  
  
"...stop playing games with us."  
  
There is a barrage of voices when she wakes up, causing her head to throb more in pain. She blinks rapidly, her vision spotty and coming back to her with every blink, until it's returned completely and she can see the worried faces of the children who've surrounded her.   
  
"You're alive, un!" Deidara immediately goes in for the hug.   
  
"Oof!" she huffed at the sudden tackle, but smiles and hugs the blonde back anyway.   
  
"You gave us quite a scare there, nice woman," says White Zetsu.   
  
The girl chuckled as she sits up, holding her head in pain but still smiling, "Sorry about that. You guys are too intense for me." They all crowd around her worriedly as she glances around.   
  
"Speaking of intense, is he-" she spots the two halves of the body on the floor and almost pukes. When she looks at the children, they seem completely indifferent to it, like it's nothing. _It probably is_ , the girl thinks cynically. After all, these kids were able to defeat all the enemies that had attacked by themselves. She hadn't helped at all. Not even one kill to her name, _how embarrassing_.   
  
"A-anyway," she rubbed the back of her head sheepishly, "Are you guys all okay?"   
  
Itachi frowned, "Worry about yourself before us." The rest of the children seem to agree, judging by the unimpressed looks they throw her. She laughed nervously, "I'm fine, seriously! You guys did all the work!" Then her smile turns downward, "While I did nothing... and I didn't even help you fight that strong man."   
  
"That's not true, un!" Deidara immediately defends.   
  
"Yeah!" Hidan chorused. The rest of the kids follow in agreement.  
  
Kasumi can only smile, "Thanks, guys." She brings them all into a hug, though some were reluctant. Their moment is ruined when a clap comes from the entrance to the living room. All the children tensed as they see an unfamiliar (to them) figure leaning on the door. Some are about to attack- Deidara already has his bombs out, Kisame and Hidan also have their weapons drawn as well- when Kasumi suddenly laughs crazily.   
  
The children all stared at her confused as she collects herself, pointing at the man with anger. "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN THIS ENTIRE TIME?!"   
  
"Ah~ Is that any way to treat the person who has the cure?" Tobi sang, playing with a scroll.   
  
The girl gasped, "Wait, you actually have it?"   
  
"Yep!"   
  
Itachi frowned, looking to the girl, "You know him?"   
  
"Yes, don't worry, he's not that bad," she responded, giving the boy her most reassuring smile.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
Itachi nods, but doesn't stop staring at the man suspiciously. The others are the same.   
  
"Well, anyway," Tobi clapped, causing the others to tense further. "Let's get this show on the road, shall we?"   
  
Kasumi smiled sadly, "Can you give me a moment with them first?"   
  
Tobi frowned but complies, leaving the room. The kids regard him with hostility the whole way, until he is out of sight. With that, they all turn to the woman who had taken care of them these last two days. They all start talking to her in hushed whispers.  
  
"Who is he?" Kakuzu asked, eyes narrowed.   
  
"What does he mean by that?" Nagato inquired worriedly.   
  
The girl sighed and took a deep breath before beginning her explanation. "Well, you see. You guys aren't actually supposed to be _here_ , right now." she took a breath, "What’s the last thing you guys remember before you came here?"  
  
There is a chorus of voices that answer.   
  
"I was in my house in Iwa, un! Making sculptures!"   
  
"I was in my shitty pacifist village!"  
  
"I was training for my chunin exams."   
  
"I was in the process of making another puppet."   
  
"We were playing in the rain."  
  
"Counting money."  
  
"I was sharpening my sword skills."  
  
" **...We don't really know.** "  
  
Kasumi simply smiled as they all talked at once. When they finished, she spoke again, "Exactly. You weren't supposed to be here, but you are because someone attacked the future versions of you... and well, here you are."  
  
They were silent for a while after that.  
  
"...So we have to go back now, don't we?" Sasori breaks the silence.  
  
"I'm afraid so," the girl responded, looking down. Out of all of them to ask, it had to be the redhead. And after their heart-to-heart, too. Her heart clenched. She knew she had to send them back, it would be immoral and selfish to keep them here, but still... it hurt. And for some, it was extremely saddening to have to send them back to a cruel place and have such bad things happen to them for them to end up in the Akatsuki years later.   
  
She sighed, but held her tears in. The children didn't need to see that. "Yes."   
  
Everyone was silent, and even Deidara and Hidan could read the somber mood that had suddenly blanketed the group.   
  
"Do what you have to," Itachi put his hand on her shoulder, "We won't hate you for it."  
  
The girl blinked at him and turned to Sasori, who simply nodded, though deep in his eyes, she could see the sadness.   
  
"Then, we're ready," she smiled, "Tobi, I know you heard."  
  
The man steps back into the room, face serious with a scroll clutched tightly in his hand, "Then we'll make this quick."

* * *

The next thing she knows, there's ten fully grown adults in the room.   
  
"You've really bonded with them, and in such a short amount of time," Tobi said to her as they waited for them to wake up.  
  
The girl gazed at them thoughtfully, "Yeah, I guess I did."  
  
They're both standing to the far side of the room in silence as signs of the members' awakening start. First, there are groans, which are then followed by the sound of shuffling as the men begin to sit up. They are all groggy from their short induced-nap because of the reverse jutsu, and disoriented because of the new memories suddenly coming to them. Memories of their time with a certain black-haired girl.   
  
"Ugh. It feels like my head fucking exploded," Hidan groaned, running a hand through his silver hair.  
  
"Tell me about it, un," Deidara joined in with his complaints.   
  
Sasori is silent and frowning, filtering through his memories. _That woman..._  
  
"Ouch. Anyone else having a barrage of images?"   
  
"Don't worry, it's not just you," White Zetsu started, " **We're still feeling it, even now.** " Black Zetsu finished.   
  
"Where are they coming from?" Kakuzu asked irately.   
  
"More importantly, what happened?" Pein questioned.  
  
"Nagato!" Konan shouted, immediately moving to the paralyzed redhead's side. She begins to check for injuries as he stirred and sat up, dazed.   
  
"Huh? Who are you?" Hidan shouted, referring to Nagato and Sasori. Konan hugs the former, shielding him from view as Pein steps in front of the two. Sasori simply stares at him blankly, not responding. There is a stare-off that is only broken by Tobi's squealing, falling back into his cheerful and annoying persona.   
  
"YAY!" he does a little twirl with both arms held high above his head, looking like the complete and utter idiot he's lead everyone to believe he is. "Tobi's been waiting for everyone to come back with Mimi-chan!"   
  
Everyone who is unfamiliar with his true character stares at him, annoyed. Everything is officially 'back to normal' when Deidara doesn't hesitate to throw a bomb in his direction and have it explode, destroying half the base.  
  
"Whatever's happened," Pein eyes Tobi and Kasumi, communicating with that one look that they'd be informing him later of what exactly happened, "It doesn't matter. You all know your missions." With that being said, everyone begins to get up, brush themselves off, and proceed to file out of the room. Each member gives the girl a long look as they pass by.  
  
Sasori is particularly insistent. "Why do I feel like I know you more than I should?"   
  
"O-oh, um," The girl started.  
  
"Sasori." Pein saves the girl from having to give a direct answer.   
  
"Tch." The redhead leaves without waiting for her answer. She had avoided it for now, but something tells her that she'd have to tell all of the members eventually. They'd hold her victim until she spilled the beans, the girl cried inwardly.   
  
When all the members, besides Konan, Nagato, and Zetsu, leave the room (and shout about how damaged the base is, like seriously, what happened??) Tobi returns to his serious persona. Pein looks at them both, about to ask them the same question. Before the girl answers, she turns to Tobi.  
  
"First of all, I hate you," she says to the masked man. "Second of all, never let this happen again." Her next words are addressed to everyone in the room. Then she takes a deep breath and recounts everything that had happened in the last two days that they'd missed, which explains their newly-implanted memories, with Tobi supplementing his own account of events (namely his chase of the cloaked figure).   
  
When she finishes, the girl turns to Pein for his reaction.   
  
"I thought you were familiar," is his first thought.   
  
"That's what you're concerned with?!" the girl gaped, incredulous.   
  
This organization was so weird. 


End file.
